


Be Calm

by bakarasaka



Series: i know you feel like you are breaking down [1]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Basira Hussain is Ashes O’Reilly, Fluff and Humor, Group Chat Fic, Homestuck References, Jon Loves His Friends, Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist & Alice "Daisy" Tonner Friendship, Nikola Orsinov is Her Own Warning, Nikola Orsinov is Toy Soldier, Sorry Not Sorry, Texting, The Mechanisms Were The Archivist's College Band, Typing Quirks, but it get happy again bc comfort and good friends, jon has a bunch of avatar friends through nikola and they all fuck up elias’s plan, little seriousness bc i use my writing a vent, she ain’t to bad though, soooooooooo homestuck is here now
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:34:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26384953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bakarasaka/pseuds/bakarasaka
Summary: Poggers: get off your phoneJonny: noJonny: sndncjcirjensnsnsjsjMike: What happened to himPoggers: he ran into the doorBasira: That’s the eighth time today jon bloody hell
Relationships: Annabelle Cane & Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Elias Bouchard/Peter Lukas, Georgie Barker & Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Georgie Barker & Melanie King & Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay/Agnes Montague, Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist & Alice "Daisy" Tonner, Martin Blackwood & Sasha James & Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist & Tim Stoker, Michael "Mike" Crew/Michael | The Distortion, Nikola Orsinov & Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Sasha James/Tim Stoker
Series: i know you feel like you are breaking down [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1929586
Comments: 65
Kudos: 335





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> USERNAME KEY
> 
> Jon- Jonny/1stMate/Sims  
> Basira- Ashes  
> Georgie- Poggers  
> Melanie- Poggered  
> Oliver- …  
> Nikola- NiCola/ToySoldier  
> MAG Tim- Timnothy  
> Martin- Martean
> 
> Everyone else’s are their names

**fight fucking godTM** - _4:13_

**Jonny** : i give the fuck up nikola tell me

**NiCola** : Shush You!!!!! What Are You Talking About??????? 

**Jonny** : i know you moved my fucking contacts where did you put them

**Daisy** : don’t you have glasses for that?

**Jonny** : i would have, yes

**Jonny** : if @ _Mįčhæł _ hadn’t  _ broken them _

**Mįčhæł** : urrrrr. jussssster aa cøwå rdddd 

**Poggers** : why the hell are y’all up it’s almost five in the fucking morning

**NiCola** : I Don’t Sleep!!!

**Daisy** : ueah, we’ve noticed Nik

**…** : i’m genuinely worried for all of you

**Jonny** : Like you’re any better

**…** : ...........fair point

**Jonny** : TS at least tell me you still have one of my spare glasses

**NiCola** : Welllllllllllllllll

**Jonny** : christ

**Jonny** : y’know what nvm i’ll just crash into a doorway and die

**Mike** : I’ll pay money to see that

**Annabelle** : Me too, Mike, I’ll make the popcorn!

**Poggers** :  why the fuck are you all still awake???? it’s not even considered night anymore????????

**Daisy** : Spite. 

**…:** .....spite?

**Daisy** :  Spite. 

**…:** alright then carry on 

** the Aurora  ** \-  _ 4:24 _

**Jonny** : pls tell me one of you have one of my spare glasses i’m begging you i’m not going into my first day at work banging into doorways

**Tim** : as if you don’t do that on a daily basis

**Nastya** : jonny you’re fucking wreck i’ll drop them off on my way to work

**Tim** : why you being so nice nastya it’s jonny

**Nastya** : i’m running on coffee and what i think is motor oil

**Jonny** : i will pay you to sleep 

**ToySolider** : I Will Pay All Of You To Not Almost Fucking Die Every Five Hours

**ToySoldier** : Motor Oil Is Fatal, Nastya!!!!!

**Nastya** : tastes nice tho

**Jonny** : i

**Jonny** : i’m going to bed

**Tim** : pussy

** [eye emojis]  ** \- _6:27_

**Timnothy** : sasha

**Timnothy** : sasha

**Timnothy** : sashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

**Sasha** : what the bloody hell do you want tim??????? it’s like 630?????????

**Timnothy** : can u get me a coffee from that fancy place u go to before work

**Martean** : your a fuckijg idot 

**Timnothy** : ik but sashaaaaaaaa plssssssss

**Sasha** : you are so lucky i love you

**Sims:** Who drinks coffee that’s disgusting.

**Sasha:** CRYPTID SPOTTED

**Timnothy** : CRYPTID SPOTTED

**Sims:** You’re all children. 

**Martean** : hi jon!

**Sims:** Martin’s the babysitter for you children. 

**Timnothy** : that’s not fair bossmaaan

**Sasha:** what coffee do u want tim 

**Timnothy** : uhhhhhhhhhhh

**Sasha:** i will just get you hot water don’t test me

**Timnothy** :  uuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh

**Martean** : as much as this conversation is hilarious, your spamming finish in dms pls

**Timnothy:** martin ur an angel thxs

** bosslady  ** \-  _ 6:34 _

**Timnothy** : iced vanilla caramel swirl pls

**bosslady** : your choices are so gay how are we dating 

**Timnothy** : ; ^ )

** fight fucking godTM  ** \-  _ 6:57 _

**Jonny** : i hate you all

**Jonny:** my assistants are all hot wtf guys

**Jonny:** i’m a barely functioning bi as it is wtfff

**Basira** : That sounds like a personal problem Jonny boy 

**…:** U JUST GOT SERVED BOIIIIIII

**Basira** : Oliver stfu

**…:** alrighty sira

**Jonny:** whipped

**Basira** : Jonny how many doors have you banged into already

**Jonny:** .

**Daisy:** whipped

**…:** endnfjjJDJDKSKWNWNF

**Jonny:** i hate you all

** girlie-os  ** \-  _ 11:38 _

**Poggered:** bleh

**Poggered:** i just woke up

**Poggers:** melanie it’s like noon

**Poggered** : and?

**1stMate** : i will skip work and drag you out of your bed melanie

**Poggered** : that’s not very cash money of you jonathan

**Poggers** : dont worry jon i’ll do it for you

**Poggered** : = - (

**Daisy:** you 2 are such wrecks

**Basira:** Yeah how do u even survive 

**1stMate** : knowledge and eyeliner

**Poggered** : caffeine and glitter makeup 

**Basira** : Seriously how are you even alive anymore?

**Poggers** : ^^^???

**Daisy:** you guys need help 

**Poggered:** = - D

**1stMate** : ; )

** the Aurora  ** \-  _ 16:53 _

**Ivy:** Is water wet?

**Ashes:** wtf Ivy

**ToySoldier:** No!!!!

**Tim:** obvs yes

**Jonny:** nO

**Jonny:** WE ARE NOT DOING THIS AGAIN 

**Raphaella:** why not this seems fun

**Ivy:** Yea, Jonny. Why not.

**Jonny:** You know why Ivy you’re a menace 

**ToySoldier:** Now That’s Just Mean Jon!!

**Raphaella** : yeah jonny

**Tim:** your so mean jonny

**Ashes:** Jonathan how could you be so mean 

**Jonny:** fuck you all i’m going back to work

_ Jonny muted the chat for 2 hours! _

**Tim:** pussy

** fight fucking godTM  ** \-  _ 21:06 _

**Annabelle:** Where are you, Jonathan?

**Jonny:** away from you and your spiders

**…:** i don’t understand why u r so terrified of them they r just furry insects

**Annabelle:** Technically they are arachnids not insects.

**Jonny:** spiders are fucking terrifying and if i could shoot i would shoot them all because they have eight legs and many eyes and only appear to hunt me which i think is annabelle’s fault and i just hate spiders and wish the web wasn’t a thing bc now that i know that it is i cannot keep looking over my shoulder and every time i do i see one of what i think is annabelle’s spiders just stuttering after me and i want to just stomp it but i can’t because it’s annabelle’s and she would kill me so there

**Daisy:** what the fuck jon

**Jonny:** I hate spiders. 

**…:** didn’t you get off two hours ago???? why does your location say your still at the MAG?????

**Poggers** : JONATHAN SIMS

**Basira** : JONATHAN SIMS

**NiCola:** JONATHAN SIMS

**Daisy:** JONATHAN SIMS

**Jonny:** OLIVER BANKS

**Jonny:** I WILL KILL YOU AGAIN

**NiCola:** Not If I Kill You First

**Jonny:** you wouldn’t 

**NiCola:** You’re Right But Only Because Your Skin Is Terrible And If I Skin You It Would Be Even Worse

**Poggers** : @ _Jonny_ i am outside the institute 

**Daisy:** she finna to drag u out

**Basira:** Not now, Daisy

**Daisy:** sorry babe

**Jonny:** i just had to reorganize my cabinets and lost track of time georgie i’m heading out to you now

**Jonny:** i am so tempted to bring ivy with me tomorrow to help me it’s that bad

**Basira** : She would love it and you know that

**Jonny:** maybe then she would stop spamming stupid philosophical questions 

**Poggers** : we both know she wouldn’t not get off your phone 

**Jonny:** no

**Jonny:** sndncjcirjensnsnsjsj

**Mike:** What happened to him

**Poggers** : he ran into the door 

**Basira** : That’s the eighth time today jon bloody hell

** the Aurora  ** \-  _ 21:34 _

**Ashes:** Jonny ran into shit eight times today

**Brian:** dndndjsjsjsjenrnjfk

**Tim:** bHSHSJSJSJNRIEDI

**Marius:** pics or it didn’t happen

**Ashes:** _[a collage of photos some from security footage, some just photos of Jon running into things with a date at the bottom right corner that says today’s date]_

**Nastya:** JONNY WHAT THE HELL

**Ashes:** He’s sleeping

**Nastya** : he  _ better _ be

**Marius** : where did you even get these pictures?

**Ashes:** = )

**Marius:** that’s fair 

**Brian:** k but why the fuck does he look like a disgruntled cat in  every picture 

**Tim:** disgruntled????? who r u??????

**ToySoldier:** He’s Jonathan While Writing His Papers!!!!!!!

**Ivy:** Ok but why does that fit?

**Ashes:** blame jonny

** [eye emojis]  ** \-  _ 6:46 _

**Martean:** um

**Martean:** guys?

**Timnothy** : whassup marto

**Sasha:** ?

**Martean** : well you see

**Martean** : there‘s a pool of blood in the archives 

**Sasha:** wtf

**Timnothy** : WHAT

**Martean** : ik!!!!!!

**Sasha:** jon was the last one to leave last night guys

**Timnothy** : @ _Sims_ what the hell did you do?????????

**Martean** : Jon???? @ _Sims_ are you alright???????

**Sims** : what do you fuckers want

**Sims** : shit

**Sims** : wrong chat

**Sasha:** sndjfjsjJjsjdndjdjKFJDJDJDJFJD

**Timnothy** : WHAT WAS THE RIGHT CHAT???????

**Sims:** Literally any chat but this one. 

**Martean** : jon why is there blood in the archives???

**Sims:** Oh, whoops. 

**Sasha:** whoops????? it’s blood!!!!

**Sims:** I hit my head. 

**Martean** : it’s a pool of blood!

**Sims:** I hit it very hard. 

**Timnothy** : ARE WE NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT HOW JON ENTERED THE CHAT????? OR HOW HE’S TOO SHORT TO REACH THE DOORWAYS?????

_ Sims muted Timnothy for 5 minutes! _

**Martean:** JON

_ Sims left the chat! _

_ Sasha added Sims to the chat! _

_ Sims left the chat! _

_ Sasha added Sims to the chat! _

**Sims:** .

** girlie-oes ** - _6:57_

**1stMate** : georgie

**1stMate** : georgie help

**1stMate** : @ _Poggers_

**1stMate** : @ _Poggers_

**1stMate** : @ _Poggers_

**Poggers** : it’s 7am jon wtf do you want

**1stMate:** when i hit my head did it bleed????!

**Poggers** : uh yeah??? you didn’t know?????

**1stMate** : i didn’t sleep the night before i was running on fumes

**1stMate** : BUT THATS NOT THE POINT

**1stMate** : apparently we left a pOOL OF BLOOD IN THE ARCHIVES

**Poggers** : jON

**Poggers** : JONNY

**Poggers** : J O N A T H A N

**1stMate** : I KNOW

**1stMate** : MY COWORKERS ARE INTERROGATING ME GEORGIE HELP

**Poggers** : NO IM CRYING THIS IS HILARIOUS 

**1stMate** : GEORGINA

**Poggers** : JONATHAN 

**1stMate** : U R NO HELP AT ALL

**Poggers** : NO IM NOT NOW LET ME SLEEP FUCKER

** [eye emojis]  ** \-  _ 7:04 _

**Timnothy** : um anyway

**Timnothy** : changing the subject. 

**Sasha:** pls do i’m so confused 

**Martean** : why did the spider climb down the web

**Sims:** Because it’s evil

**Martean** : !!!!

**Martean** : no!!!!!

**Martean** : spiders are good boys

**Sasha:** you are the only one who thinks that martin

**Martean** : :/

** NiCola  ** \-  _ 8:47 _

**Jonny:** TS

**Jonny:** TS HERE NOW

**Jonny:** @ _NiCola_

**Jonny** : NIKKI

**NiCola** : Jon!!!

**Jonny:** why the hell is my desk filled with teeth

**NiCola:** To Remind You To Smile Of Course!!!!

**NiCola:** You’ve Got A Rather Nice Smile And It Would Be A Shame If You Stopped Smiling Altogether

**Jonny:** that was strangely domestic TS

**NiCola:** You’re One Of My Best Friends Jonny Of Course I’m Domestic With You

**NiCola:** And You Kept Being My Friend After I Told You About The Entities And That Makes Me Very Happy Because I Would Miss You

**Jonny:** i would miss you too nik

**Jonny:** i appreciate the teeth now that i know why but please warn me before you do it again

**Jonny:** i fell out of my chair so tim ran into my office wielding an letter opener

**Jonny:** it hurt when he stabbed me nikki

**NiCola:** Ohhhhhhh Clean Your Poor Skin Jonathan!!!!! I’ll Send Annabelle Over To Stitch It Up For You!!!!!

**Jonny:** nO NEED FOR ANNABELLE 

**NiCola:** But Jonny!! You’re Injured!!

**Jonny:** and i’m at melanie’s with her patching it up i’m fine thank you for worrying though

**NiCola:** Of Course! I Love You!!!

**Jonny:** ilyt now pls clear out my desk drawer

**NiCola:** Right Ho!!!!!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW for depressing thoughts and non explicitly stated suicide bc sorry but i vent through my writing and i will eventually post the little story format of the small get-together they have 
> 
> Also Timothee is the full name of Gunpowder Tim as we already have a Timothy so there’s that

**the Aurora** \- _21:27_

**Jonny:** who’s ready for tomorrow say aye 

**Tim:** fucking aye

**Nastya:** aye

**ToySoldier:** Aye!!

**Ashes:** aye

**Ivy:** Aye

**Marius:** ayeeee

**Raphaella** : aye

**Brian:** Aye

**Jonny:** that’s gay guys

**Marius:** your gay jonny

**Jonny:** how dare you call your captain gay i’ll have you thrown out the airlock for that

**Ashes:** First mate

**Jonny:** [middle finger emoji]

**Tim:** hot. 

**Brian:** bite me tim

**Raphaella** : kinky. 

**Nastya:** y’all are a mess 

**Nastya** : what are we going to do with them ivy

**Ivy:** I mean,,,, we could kill them????

**Nastya** : No they’d like that the fuckers

**ToySoldier:** You’re Acting Like Me And Jonny Would Really Die If You Hurt Us A Little

**Jonny:** shhhhhhh nik i wanna see how this plays out

**ToySoldier:** You’re The One Who Got Stabbed By One Of Your Hot Coworkers Earlier Jonathan 

**Marius:** HE WHAT

**Ashes:** JONNY

**Brian:** WTF JON

**Jonny:** in my defense it was TS’s fault

**Jonny:** they filled my desk drawers with teeth 

**ToySoldier:** It Was To Remind You To Smile!!!!

**Tim:** k but where the fuck did TS get a desk drawer amount of teeth 

**Ivy:** It’s Nikola I honestly don’t know why you bother asking it’s not like your going to get a straight answer 

**ToySoldier:** = D

**Ashes:** moving on 

**Nastya** : JONNY WHY DIDNT YOU TELL US YOI GOT STABBED 

**Jonny:** i honestly forgot

**Tim:** how tf did you FORGET you got stabbed???????

**Jonny:** bc u all stah me all the time????? as do all of the avatars?????? 

**Raphaella** : stah

**ToySoldier:** stah

**Ivy:** stah

**Tim:** stah

**Marius:** stah

**Ashes:** stah

**Nastya** : stah

**Brian:** stah

**Jonny:** i fucking hate all of you

**Raphaella** : did you at least clean it?

**Jonny:** of course i fucking cleaned it

**Tim:** so you just poured a bottle of rubbing alcohol on it and put a bandaid on it

**Jonny:** no 

**Jonny:** actually 

**Jonny:** i went to melanie’s and she fixed me up after i gave her the whole story and she laughed her ass off

**Ashes:** but still you didn’t think of telling us?????

**Jonny:** it’s over now!!!

**Marius:** i think you underestimate how much we care for u jonny

**Jonny:** don’t get sappy on me now 

**Jonny:** i’m your bloody captain for christ’s sake

**Brian:** 1st Mate

**Jonny:** [two middle finger emojis]

**bosslady** \- _21:28_

**Timnothy:** sasha

**Timnothy** : sasha

**Timnothy** : sasha you shouldn’t leave me alone at work anymore

**Timnothy** : sasha i’m dying

**bosslady** : good

**Timnothy** : SASHA

**bosslady** : god tim what did you do

**Timnothy:** i kinda

**Timnothy** : sorta

**Timnothy** : stabbedjonintheshoulder

**bosslady** : …

**bosslady** : what the hell tim

**bosslady** : TIM

**Timnothy:** I KNOW I KNOW

**bosslady** : y?????? did u do that?????

**Timnothy** : HE FELL OFF HUS CHAIR AND MADE A LOUD THUMP I WANTED TO KNOW IF HE WAS OK

**bosslady** : so you stabbed him???

**Timnothy** : I THOUGHT HE WAS BEING ATTACKED 

**Timnothy** : SASHA I STABBED OUR BOSS

**bosslady:** martin would be so disappointed in you tim

**Timnothy** : too bad he don’t like us like that

**bosslady** : which one??

**Timnothy:** both i’d be down for sharing 

**bosslady** : me too babe they’re both hot as fuck wtf happened to you

**Timnothy** : WOW

**Timnothy** : BABE

**bosslady** : i’m joKING 

**Timnothy** : < 3

**bosslady:** < 3

**girlie-oes** - _22:37_

**Poggered:** JONATHAN WTF

**Poggered** : FIRST YOU BANG YOUR HEAD AND SCARE YOUR BITCHES AND THEN YOU GET STABBED BY ONE OF UR FUCKING HOTTIES

**Poggered** : DONT IGNORE ME ASSHOLE

**Poggered** : @ _1stMate_

**Poggers** : YOU GOT STABBED!!!!!!!!

**Poggers** : JONATHAN SIMS

**1stMate** : god not this again 

**Poggers** : stop being fuckint cryptic and explain. now. 

**1stMate** : Nikola filled my desk with teeth. 

**Poggered** : like??? real teeth??????

**Poggers** : it’s nikola of course they’re real

**1stMate** : so i fell out of my chair and tim ran in with a letter opener and stabbed me bc he was scared 

**Poggers** : i already know that i wouldn’t ever want to work at your work place

**Poggered:** i mean the spooky stories georgie the stories

**Poggers** : r u saying you would work at a place where you read irl horror stories and your boss is a patron of a fear god

**Poggered** : the pay is great and spooky stories 

**1stMate** : have i ever told you how much i love you melanie 

**Poggered** : not recently no

**1stMate** : good

**Poggers** : OHHHHHHH BURRRRRRN

**[eye emojis]** \- _0:14_

**Sims:** I am going to be running late, so whoever is in first in please take the orange monster out of the break room fridge and put it on my desk. I would really appreciate it. 

**Timnothy** : jon it’s like midnight

**Sasha:** u drink monster?????

**Sasha:** orange??? monster?????

**Martean** : sure!

**Sims:** Yes, I do drink orange monster, it’s a very good boost in the mornings. 

**Sims:** Also thank you, Martin.

**Martean** : :)

**Sasha:** i just can’t believe you drink monster 

**Sims:** Also no one open my desk drawers until I get there. 

**Timnothy** : ...why?

**Sims:** My shoulder has not recovered from the last time one of my friends put something in there that scared me and you stabbed me for being scared. 

**Martean** : TIM

**Martean:** YOU STABBED JON????? 

**Sasha:** haha he’s a mess and i’ll make sure no one does boss!

**Sims:** Thank you, Sasha. I’ll see you all later. 

**Martean** : TIM ANSWER ME,,,,

**Timnothy** : it’s too early for this shit

**fight fucking godTM** - _1:42_

**Mike:** Jon

**Mike:** Jon

**Mike:** Jon i know your on

**Mike:** Jon you fucker i will spam timothee if you don’t answer me and he will actually shoot you

**Jonny:** what mike

**Mike:** your picking me up to head to the venue right?

**Jonny:** oh right forgot to tell you brian’s doing carpool for the band so you’re gonna have to hitch a ride with georgie or daisy

**Daisy:** i’ll drive you Mike

**Mike:** uhh thank you Daisy?

**Daisy:** : )

**Poggers** :that’s not passive aggressive at all daisy

**Poggers** : dw mike im already carpooling melanie i’ll swing by and pick you up

**…:** y’all should be nicer to mike *cough cough* daisy 

**Mike:** I still don’t know why Daisy is passive aggressively nice to me but I’ll take the ride Georgie thanks. 

**Poggers** : np!! 

**Jonny:** please don’t scare off all of my other friends daisy 

**Daisy:** : )

**NiCola:** Daisy!!!!! Please Be Nice To Everyone!!!!!

**Daisy:** ; )

**Jonny:** sigh

**Jonny:** i guess that’s the best i’m gonna get

**…:** did you just type out your sigh 

**Mike:** What a loser

**Jonny:** hush 

**lightning boi** - _8:26_

**Jonny:** do you ever want to take a nap and never wake up? [deleted]

**Jonny:** shit wrong person [deleted] 

**girlie-oes** - _8:27_

**1stMate** : Guys?

**1stMate** : What do you do if you just want to take a nap and never wake up?

**Basira** : That’s suicide don’t do it

**Poggered** : we love you jon don’t do that 

**Daisy:** mate you don’t want to do that. it may seem nice at first but you don’t want to trust me

**1stMate** : I’m just so tired and idk sad i guess. 

**Poggers** : would you like me to come over to your work with TA and distract you?

**1stMate:** we aren’t supposed to have animals in the archives

**Poggers** : i mean what’s el**s gonna do. fire you??

**1stMate** : fair point. I would really appreciate it if you aren’t too busy

**Poggers** : i’m never too busy to be there for you

**Basira** : would you like us to come too? Daisy and i can surely get off for a few hours 

**Poggered** : and i can bring your favorite snacks that are in my cupboard 

**Daisy:** and i can bring your extra weighted blanket

**1stMate** : i

**1stMate** : i would like all that very much 

**1stMate** : thank you guys

**Daisy:** : )

**Poggers** : Be there in 15

**[eye emojis]** \- _8:47_

**Timnothy:** hey jon? there’s a bunch of girls and a guy up in the lobby looking like they’re gonna throw a party asking for you

**Sims:** please send them down they know where my office is

**Sasha:** is this some kind of special occasion??

**Sims:** no but i need them right now please send them down

**Martean** : would you like me to bring you all some tea? i would be happy to

**Sims:** ah yes please martin all of them take it like i do so yes if that isn’t much of a hassle 

**Sasha:** jon your rambling 

**Timnothy** : can we do anything for you jon?

**Sims:** ah just 

**Sims:** i give you all the rest of the day off

**Sims:** you all deserve it

**Martean** : uh ok thank you i guess

**ASSistants** - _8:49_

**the hot one** : i’m not buying it

**the cute one** : me nether 

**the smart one** : i’m staying who else wants to stay with me???

**the cute one** : absolutely as soon as i’m done making their tea

**the hot one** : how about we just like camp out outside of his office where our desks are and just wait him out

**the cute one** : i’m all up for that 

**the smart one** : me too

**To Certain Contacts** \- _17:59_

**JonathanSims:** I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who helped me today. It meant a lot to me and it made me happy so thank you. 

**lightning boi** - _18:03_

**Jonny:** you do realize you’re featured in one of our statements at the institute right?

**lightning boi** : Shit really?

**Jonny:** a man who claimed to be the reason you got struck by lightning as a child gave a statement and mentioned you

**lightning boi** : Well fuck 

**lightning boi** : Dominic Swain right?

**Jonny:** yeah

**lightning boi** : I remember him, god thanks for telling me Jon

**Jonny:** np mike see you at the venue 

**Brian** - _18:16_

**Jonny:** where the hell are you???

**Brian:** I’m outside the venue? Why?

**Jonny:** brian 

**Jonny:** u forgot to pick me up

**Brian:** SHIT I KNEW I FORGOT SOMETHING

**Jonny:** you know what its fine i’ll just stay home and let you guys do the show

**Brian:** Jonny...I’m sorry

**Jonny:** it’s fine brian have fun tonight 

**Georgie** \- _18:17_

**Brian** : Georgie

**Brian** : Georgie please help me

**Georgie:** ????

**Brian:** I forgot Jonny for carpool and now he’s being all ‘have fun without me y’all’ help

**Georgie:** fuck 

**Georgie:** you do realize he had a depression relapse earlier today right?

**Brian:** Well shit that explains a lot

**Brian:** Just please can you go pick him up and try and drag him out of it

**Brian:** I really want him to perform tonight and it’s my fault I forgot his flat

**Georgie:** i’ll help dw drumbot we might be getting there a bit after 6:30 tho 

**Brian:** That’s the good the show technically doesn’t start until 7

**Brian:** thank you Georgie I owe you one

**Georgie:** [thumbs up emoji]

**Poggers** \- _18:20_

**Poggers** : grab your shit loser i can’t promise how long melanie will let me wait for you

**Poggers** : mike said he’ll do your eyeliner in the car just grab your costume and makeup and get in the car

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry not sorry best friends mike and jon makes me very happy bc i love mike and wish he didn’t perish


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i say fuck yea agnes and gerry are being added and dating and a whole bunch of other stuff and yea so far there isn’t much plot and this chapter is a bit short but it’s being posted close to the last one so that’s what your gonna get

**ASSistant** \- _8:12_

**the smart one** : mahhhtin

**the hot one** : mahhhhhhhhhhtin

**the smart one** : mAHHHHHHHHHHHTIN

**the hot one** : MAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHTIN

**the cute one** : guysssss,,,,,,, stop it,,,,,,,,,

**the hot one** : MAHHTIN

**the cute one** : i will drop kick your laptop out the window timothy don’t test me

**the smart one** : id do what mahtin says tim 

**the smart one** : you don’t have enough money to buy another laptop 

**the hot one** : i am going to have a heart attack now brb

**the cute one** : tim i was joking!!!

**the cute one** : somewhat,,,,

**fuck jurgen leitner let’s burn him** \- _9:27_

**Books:** breakfast in my flat in 3?

**Are:** yep

**Burning:** Sounds good 

**Books:** so how has your busy busy lives been you two?

**Are:** well i’m dead so

**Burning:** Pretty un-alive?

**Are:** yes that 

**Burning:** Well I for the record I too am dead and have been bored out of my mind. For Christ’s sake, Jon when are you going to get Oliver to bring us back for good?

**Books:** ah yes that

**Books:** it’s a work in progress

**Are:** it’s been a wip for two years jon

**Books:** well apologies for r*bins*n passing away and me getting promoted so suddenly practically against my will

**Burning:** Ouch. 

**Books:** sorry agnes 

**Books:** sorry gerry

**Burning:** It’s fine Jon sorry for being pushy I know things are hard for you right now

**Are:** yea i guess sorry too

**Books:** also i keep forgetting to ask oliver

**Books:** anyway what do y’all want for food

**Books:** god knows for ghosts you two devoured over half my food supply

**Are:** : )

**Burning:** = )

**Burning:** Wait have you learned to cook in the week we haven’t been over?

**Books:** ...no

**Are:** shit jon i’ll just have cereal than

**Burning:** I’m at your door let me in I’m cooking for you, you absolute train wreck 

**Books:** thanks gerry, agnes

**fucking fight godTM** \- _10:26_

**Jonny:** help

**NiCola** : What Did You Do This Time Jonathan????

**Jonny:** i have two mostly dead people on me help me nik

**Annabelle:** Why do you have dead people on you? Isn’t that Oliver’s shit?

**Jonny:** kinda-

**NiCola:** Oh My Gosh!!! Hahahahaha I’m Not Going To Help You!!

**Jonny:** that hurts TS that hurts

**Poggers** : it brunch today?

**Jonny:** it is sunday georgie 

**Poggers** : shit really?

**…:** how did you forget what day it is

**Poggers** : how are you awake already

**…:** bold of you to assume i slept at all

**Mike:** Oliver that’s not good

**…:** eh

**Jonny:** oliver

**Jonny:** can you come over to my place? i’m cashing in that favour

**…:** sure jon

**…:** fuck that means actually getting up

**Poggers** : lol sucks for you 

**[eye emojis]** \- _12:00_

**Sims:** So I realize it is Sunday but I have some important information to share before I forget. 

**Sims:** Starting tomorrow I will have two friends accompanying me places.

**Sims:** Do not talk with them unless they start the conversation and just treat them like you treat me. Otherwise I cannot guarantee your wellbeing. 

**Sims:** You have been warned. 

**the Aurora** \- _12:03_

**Jonny:** ok so imma have two friends sticking to me bc oliver fucked up so any ideas of how to incorporate them into a set?

**ToySolider:** ??????

**Raphaella** : Explain 

**Jonny:** sigh 

**Jonny:** fine

**Jonny:** simple or long 

**Tim:** which every’s funnier

**Jonny** : oliver, end’s avatar, basically made two of my ghost friends corporal and accidentally linked them to me so I now have two freeloading non ghost roommates 

**Nastya:** you have ghost friends?????? how???????

**Jonny:** blame the web

**Marius:** poor spiders

**Jonny:** there are no poor spiders those things are evil 

**Ashes:** ok i actually can’t argue with that

**Ashes:** you’ve not met annabelle marius 

**Ivy:** We could have them do special effects and or background singers 

**Brian:** That’s true we always need more backup singers

**Jonny:** HA

**Jonny:** well i asked both of them if they’d do that and they glared at me so no 

**Jonny:** gerry said he’d help with makeup and agnes can’t do anything 

**Nastya:** jonny,,,, did you get into another polycule?

**Jonny:** ...kinda???

**Tim:** BababahaahHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

**ToySoldier:** Jonny!!!!!

**Jonny:** gerry and agnes are dating and i’m like a platonic close friend polycule way not a very romantic way-

**Jonny:** and what do you mean another???

**Ivy:** I suspect she’s talking about your assistants at the Institute

**Jonny:** bshddjdjjsjsjdndne

**Jonny:** ITS NOT LIKE THAT-

**Ashes:** so what your saying is that you don’t have crushes on all three of your assistants 

**Jonny:** i

**Jonny:** i do but it won’t work

**Jonny:** tim and sasha are dating and i’d be very surprised if martin liked me like that

**Tim:** gee way to be a debby downer about it dickhead

**Jonny:** plus they think i’m an asshole stick in the mud boss sooooo

**Nastya:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

**Nastya:** IM DYING THAT IS NOT YOU AT ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

**Marius:** i mean

**Marius:** he IS an asshole

**Jonny:** how dare you call your humble captain an asshole

**Ivy:** First mate

**Raphaella** : so your claiming to not be an asshole???

**Jonny:** you know what i came here to have a good time and i feel so attacked right now

**Tim:** good

**Tim:** pussy

**girlie-oes** \- _12:36_

_ 1stMate added OGArson to the chat! _

**1stMate:** be nice to her she’s keeps me alive on Sundays 

**Daisy:** god knows you need that

**Basira** : she’s right 

**Poggers** : hello!!!

**OGArson:** Hello my name is Agnes

**Poggered** : montague?????

**OGArson:** Yes, why?

**Poggered:** jon’s people has statements on u

**OGArson:** Oh really? Jon?

**1stMate** : yes yes they do but they don’t do you justice at all

**OGArson:** Won’t your coworkers recognize me and Gerry?

**1stMate** : nah and if they do well they have no real proof

**OGArson:** Jon.

**1stMate** : fine they probably will but if I tell them to leave it they will

**Daisy:** why does this conversation have he same energy of an old married couple?

**Basira** : maybe bc they are technically in a polycule

**Poggered** : wat another one????

**Jonny:** IM NOT IN THE DAMN POLYCULE WITH MY ASSISTANTA FOR CHRISTS SAKE

**OGArson:** Oh good, more people to gang up on Jon with! = D

**Poggers** : we are keeping her i love her already

**[eye emojis]** \- _16:37_

**Martean** : wait what????????

**Sims:** Oh yes thank you for reminding me this chat existed Martin

_ Sims added OGArson and FuckBooks to the chat! _

**Sims:** Be nice to them. 

**FuckBooks:** wow jon didnt know you liked me like that

**OGArson:** Gerry. Be nice to Jonathan. 

**Sims:** Thank you Agnes

**OGArson:** Only everyone else can bully him

**FuckBooks:** right i forgot babe i don’t have bully jon rights like everyone else

**Sims:** Wow fuck y’all guess I know where I’m sleeping tonight 

**Timnothy** : wtf???? 

**Sasha:** YOUR IN A RELATIONSHIP??????

**FuckBooks:** technically he’s not but we count him as one of us

**Sims:** You both eat all my food and are now freeloaders I hope I’m one of you

**Martean** : i

**Martean:** i am so confused 

**Timnothy** : me too marto

**Sasha:** so you have two roommates and are in a polycule relationship with both of them?

**Sims:** If you would like to put it that simplified, yes. It is truly more complex than that

**FuckBooks:** wow we are being so rude hi i’m gerard

**OGArson:** Your right! I’m Agnes!

**Martean** : this does nothing for my confusion 

**Timnothy** : wait,,,

**Timnothy** : you two wouldn’t happen to be Gerard Keay and Agnes Montague?

**OGArson:** I fucking told you Jon. 

**Sims:** Oh shut up Aggy

**Sasha:** JON WTF IS GOING ON

**Sims:** I hate my life. 

**FuckBooks:** why tf are you typing like your a functional adult? 

_ Sims deleted a message! _

**Timnothy** : you mean he doesn’t type like this normally??

**OGArson:** Nope he texts like Gerry for the most part

**Martean** : i am having a fucking extensional crisis wtf is happening right now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cannot believe i actually added the two burning fanatics i love them both so much and it was such an impulsive move that i hope y’all like! also pls comment what you think oliver did to owe jon a favour i want to see what y’all think!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shenanigans

**[eye emojis]** \- _16:40_

**Sims** : I plead to the 5th

**Sasha:** jon we are british 

**Sims:** No comment then

**Timnothy** : cmon jon u can’t just do that 

**Martean** : jon please answer the question 

**FuckBooks:** yea jon answer the question 

**Sims:** Oh fuck off Gerry

**OGArson:** Jon just answer the question 

**Sims:** Fine

**Sims:** Yes I don’t normally talk like this 

**Martean:** so why are you doing it here?

**Sims:** I

**Sims:** y’know what fuck this

_ Sims left the chat! _

**FuckBooks:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ENDJCJDNENDKCJDNDBF

**OGArson:** How mature of him to run away from his problems. Again. 

_ Timnothy added Sims to the chat! _

**Timnothy:** U CANT JUST LEAVE

**Sims:** watch me

_ Sims left the chat! _

**FuckBooks:** well he fuckint left 

_ Sasha added Sims to the chat! _

_ Sims left the chat! _

**OGArson:** Give it a few hours he’ll eventually just not care anymore or forget about it. 

**Martean:** i am still so fucking confused 

**fucking fight godTM** \- _18:26_

**Mike:** I have decided I would like to push a window washer into the Vast

**Mike:** Anyone have any objections to this plan of action?

**Annabelle:** Don’t get caught 

**...:** wtf guys no

**…:** do a maintenance guy instead 

**Jonny:** shove him down an elevator shaft that never ends

**NiCola:** That Sounds Like So Much Fun!!!!!

**NiCola:** Can You Do That To Me Mike??

**Mike:** Uh

**Mike:** Sure Nik

**NiCola:** Hooray!!!!!!!!!!

**Jonny:** stop being weird nik

**NiCola:** Dont Be Rude Jonny!!!

**Jonny:** rude is my default setting 

**Poggers** : that’s not something to be proud of jon

**Jonny:** fuck

**Jonny:** i’ll brb

**Mike:** ????

**…:** u alright mate?

**Poggers** : jon????

**Martin** \- _18:30_

**Martin:** I am sorry for not showing up to work today, I have a bit of a stomach bug

**JonathanSims:** Who is this.

**Martin:** It’s Martin! Who else could it me?

**JonathanSims:** Martin doesn’t text like this who is this

**Martin:** .

**fuck jurgen leitner let’s burn him** \- _18:33_

**Books:** someone add me back to the work chat please something is wrong

**[eye emojis]** \- _18:33_

_ FuckBooks added Sims to the chat! _

**Sims:** something is wrong

**Timnothy** : ???????

**Sasha:** you can’t just not talk and do that jon

**Martean** : Jon, what are you talking about?

**Timnothy** : fuck your right 

**Timnothy** : that’s not martin

**Sasha:** who the hell are you??

**Martean** : I’m Martin!

_ Sims kicked Martean from the chat! _

**Sims:** that is not martin 

**Sims:** fuck 

**fuck jurgen leitner let’s burn him** \- _18:35_

**Burning:** That is not mine’s style

**Are:** Nor is it ours

**Books:** it’s not michaels, lukas, terminus, TS, daisy, choke, pitch, war or body either

**Are:** so Cane or Prentiss it is

**[eye emojis]** \- _18:36_

**Sasha:** WHAT THE FUCK ARE YALL TALKING ABOUT

**Timnothy** : english please

**Sims:** don’t worry about it

**OGArson:** Don’t worry about it 

**FuckBooks:** don’t worry bout it

**Sims:** why did we do this in this chat again?

**OGArson:** I’m going to guess you wanted proof Martin wasn’t Martin

**Timnothy** : is ANYONE going to tell us WHAT IS GOING ON

**FuckBooks:** maybe later

**Sims** : brb

**Evil friend** \- _18:39_

**Jonny:** did you take my friend into the Web?

**Evil** **friend:** Which one? Surprisingly you have multiple 

**Jonny:** very funny and martin, my coworker 

**Evil friend** : Ohhhhhh one of your crushes? ;;;; )

**Jonny:** never do that again

**Evil friend** : :::: (

**Evil friend** : I did not take him into the Web and from what I can tell he is barricaded inside his flat

**Jonny:** shit

**Jonny:** thanks annabelle your the best

**Evil friend** : :::: )

**[eye emojis]** \- _18:42_

**Sims:** it’s prentiss 

**FuckBooks:** shit

**Sasha:** who’s prentiss?

**Timnothy** : you mean the women from timothy hodge’s statement?

**Sims:** yes

**Sasha:** shit

**OGArson:** Shit indeed, Sasha. 

**Timnothy** : that is

**Timnothy** : not good

**Sims:** yes it is very not good 

**FuckBooks:** so what are we going to do jon?

**Sims:** go find her i guess 

**Sims:** do either of you know what his address is?

**Timnothy** : yeah i’ll dm you

**Sims:** stay at the institute you two. gerry, agnes, come with me 

**Sasha:** aye aye boss be safe

**fucking fight godTM** \- _18:46_

**Jonny:** who wants to come with me and fight prentiss?

**…:** fuck no worms suck

**NiCola:** I Would!!

**Daisy:** of course

**Daisy:** why

**Mįčhæł:** šïgñ mmmmmmmmmę ūppp

**Mike:** Someone has to keep an eye on you

**Jonny:** great meet me at the entrance of the Institute 

**Jonny:** oh and bring fire extinguishers

**Poggers** : be safe idiot ily

**[eye emojis]** - _23:53_

_ Sims added Martean to the chat! _

**Timnothy** : martin!!!!!

**Sasha:** MARTIN

**Sasha:** ARE YOU ALRIGHT?????

**Martean:** i’m alright!!

**Martean** : jon and some of his friends came and helped me!!!

**Timnothy:** wait

**Timnothy** : jon has friends?????

**Sims:** i can see this y’know

**Timnothy** : you have friends??????

**Sims:** sigh

**Sims:** i have multiple friends

**Sasha:** @ _OGArson_ does he have friends?

**OGArson:** Yes, actually. Multiple in fact. 

**Sims:** ye of little faith

**Sims:** anyway

**Sims:** @ _Martean_ make sure to write down a statement before tomorrow night

**Timnothy** : why can’t you just take it?

**Sims:** i uh

**Sims:** i don’t want to make martin uncomfortable 

**Sims:** please don’t swarm him about it

**Sims:** i am going to bed now i hope you all sleep well

**OGArson:** Wow that’s shock, Jonathan Sims, going to bed at a decent time

**Sims:** shush aggy

**the Aurora** \- _5:19_

**Nastya:** boohoo bitches

**Nastya:** it’s sunday, the beginning of war week

**Jonny:** fuck

**Marius:** shit

**Brian:** Damnit

**Ivy:** Hell

**Tim:** yESSSSSSS

**Tim:** ITS WAR WEEK BITCHES

**Raphaella:** godfuckingdamnit

**ToySolider:** Jolly Good Fun!!!!!!! 

**Ashes:** i want to fucking die

**Nastya:** oh you will

**Ashes:** stfu i’m police 

**Jonny:** you say it like it will stop them

**ToySoldier:** Good Luck Everybody!!!!!! May The Best Mechanism Win!!!!!!!!! ; ))))

**[eye emojis]** \- _8:27_

**Sasha:** anyone know why a group of people just ran into jon’s office with a bunch of nerf guns 

**Martean** : what????

**Timnothy** : i can kinda hear screams from the room-

**FuckBooks:** NENDJDJDJSCJDJEJKAKZJD

**OGArson:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

**Sims:** By Jove This Is So Much Fun!!!!

**FuckBooks:** NIKSJSNDJDJDJSJEJDJXJD

**OGArson:** IM CRYING TS 

**Sasha:** who r u???

**Sims:** Oh!! I’m The Toysoldier!!!! One Of Jon’s Friends!!!!!!!!

**FuckBooks:** TS ilysm pls never leave my life

**Sims:** All In Good Fun Gerry!!!!!!!!!! 

**Sims:** Oh!! Tim Says It’s Time To Leave! I Will See You Soon!!!!!! : )))))))))))

**Timnothy** : ..tim??

**Sims:** i apologize for the interruption please get back to work

**girlie-oes** \- _10:26_

**Daisy:** why the fuck did someone just run into the street with a nerd gun and shoot it through the open window and hit basira before running away cackling?

**Poggers:** oh fuck

**Poggers** : @ _1stMate_ it war week again?

**Poggered** : war week?

**1stMate** : yes

**1stMate** : they already hit me once today 

**Basira:** lucky

**Basira:** that was the third time today

**Poggered** : war week?????

**Poggers** : jon’s band has this tradition from when they went to America for a concert where they picked up nerf guns from there and randomly have wars where they shoot each other 

**Poggered** : let me guess

**Poggered** : it was tim and nastya’s idea 

**Basira:** absolutely 

**Basira:** although jonny loves it on the days he’s off

**Basira:** he does what the rest of the group is bc they are off today 

**1stMate** : i’ll admit i do enjoy it quite a lot when it is a fair game

**Basira:** when you play it’s never fair! you always cheat!

**1stMate** : point ignored 

**Poggered** : wow way to dodge a subject you little cheater

**Daisy:** you should see how he plays the harmonica to freak out that insomniac lady michael is haunting

**Daisy:** mike sometimes goes with them and has video taped it and it is hilarious 

**Poggers** : ffs jonathan u have to send that to me

**1stMate** : on it georgina 

**Basira:** hey hey jonny-

**1stMate** : hm?

**Basira:** i hear Ivy and Marius planning on jumping you on your lunch break

**1stMate** : fuck yess i can get them back

**1stMate** : thxs sira i wont attack u this week just for that

**Basira:** your the best jonny good luck

**ASSistants** - _11:47_

**the hot one** : pls tell me someone else sees jon sneaking around with a huge ass nerf gun

**the cute one** : how can we not 

**the cute one** : he’s not exactly being subtle

**the smart one:** i asked him and he said he’s going to attack two of his friends when they show up during his lunch break

**the cute one** : that’s...

**the cute one:** ...a strangely obsessive answer

**the hot one:** it’s jon what do you expect

**the smart one:** oh! there he goes!

**the cute one** : wow he’s uh

**the hot one** : surprisingly good-

**the cute one** : odd

**the smart one:** i wonder where he even got the nerf gun

**the smart one:** or these friends 

**the hot one** : i’ve asked him and he said they are all friends from university 

**the smart one:** huh

**the cute one** : it still feels so weird to picture jon actually having a social life

**the hot one** : ikr

**the hot one:** i honestly thought he was married to his job

**the hot one** : and now turns out he has a huge ass friend group and is technically in a polycule 

**the smart one:** i forgot about the polycule. where are gerard and agnes btw?

**the cute one** : i think i saw them in the break room eating lunch together

**the hot one:** and you didn’t even ask to make them your famous tea??

**the cute one** : i mean it’s a bit fuzzy since i was focused on getting away from them since it seemed like they were having a rather serious conversation 

**the smart one:** makes sense i guess

**the smart one:** I still don’t know how to feel about working alongside Gerard Keay and Agnes Montague though

**the hot one** : jon trusts them, that’s enough for me at the moment 

**the cute one:** tbh everything about jon just makes me really confused

**the hot one** : in what way?

**the cute one** : idk i just feel weird around him sometimes 

**the smart one:** hmmmmmm

**the smart one:** could it be a crush?

**the cute one** : maybe???? i don’t really know if i’m being honest-

**the cute one:** it’s just weird-

**the hot one** : well- if you ever want advice, just come talk to the master!

**the cute one** : alright i’ll go to sasha!

**the hot one** : traitor

**the smart one:** come over here martin i want to give you a hug

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes annabelle is only names evil friend in jon’s contacts bc she loves spiders, yes michael, jon and mike are a stellar team for basically stalking people, no prentiss is not dead and yes nerf or nothing has infected the mechs and that is what i meant in the earlier chapter when i said tim would shoot jon


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> war week continues, heterosexuality, lack thereof, switzerland, drunk gay kisses, and homestuck. enjoy folks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long guys school has been rough but here it finally is! also here is a username key for the two new chats and a translation for the typing quirks is at the end notes
> 
> arson1-Ashes/Basira  
> arson2-Agnes  
> arson3-Gerry  
> engin(qu)eer-Nastya  
> gpt-MechsTim  
> onlylikeableone-Brian  
> sCIENCE/jade-Raphaella  
> Ivers/rose-Ivy  
> nomarius/john-Marius  
> CircusFuck-Toy Soldier/Nikola  
> latula-Georgie  
> karkat-Jon

**fight fucking godTM** \- _12:07_

**Jonny:** goddamnit @ _Mįčhæł_ why the fuck did you let the clown use your doors????

**Mįčhæł:** śhhhhhhhêšñįçė tø mmmë

**Jonny:** and???? i haunt people with you and you stab me all the time??????

**Mįčhæł** : ñõt thë śæmê

**Jonny:** type normal goddamnit you’re giving me a headache 

**Mįčhæł:** fuck off jonathan 

**Daisy:** wait you can type normal????

**Mįčhæł:** of course i’m not stupid

**Jonny:** welllllll

**Mike:** Your random ass philosophy rants support you Michael

**Mįčhæł:** fuck you jonny and thank you babe 

**Mike:** Np

**Poggers:** WHEN THE FUCK DID U TWO GET TOGETHER????????

**Mike:** We’ve been together????

**Mįčhæł:** for a while??????

**Jonny:** u didn’t know georgina????

**Poggers** : NO I DIDNT STFU JONATHAN

**Annabelle:** As much as I love this whole conversation and find it hilarious, it is noon. Georgie continue your editing, Mike finish your lunch, Jon get back to work. 

**Mike:** Yes ma’am

**Jonny:** ANNABELLE MICHEAL LEFT ME TO BE SHOT DEAD

**Annabelle:** I sincerely doubt a couple of foam Nerf bullets will kill you, Jonny. Get back to work. 

**Daisy:** i’m not even going to ask about how you know what everyone is doing 

**Annabelle:** ;;;; )

**[eye emojis]** \- _12:46_

**FuckBooks:** _[a video with Jon and Agnes getting pelted with Nerf bullets with loud cackling laughter in the background]_

**OGArson:** Gerry, no kisses for a week just for that. 

**FuckBooks:** BABE 

_ Sims deleted a message! _

**FuckBooks:** OTHER BABE

**Sims:** fuck off gerry

**Martean:** is this why the archives are covered in those damned foam thingys??

**Timnothy:** heh thingys

**Sims:** you are a child

**Sasha:** can we???? not???? have one normal day?????

**OGArson:** I blame Gerry. 100%. 

**FuckBooks:** ilyt babe

**Sims:** i

**Sims:** no

**Martean:** no??????

**Timnothy:** no-

**Sims:** No. 

**Sasha:** i’m

**Sasha:** i’m going back to work

**Sasha:** you know like a responsible adult

**Timnothy:** : (((

**girlie-oes** \- _15:27_

**Poggered** : guys

**Poggered** : GUYS

**Poggered** : G U Y S

**Poggers** : i’m sitting right beside u what melanie

**Daisy** : hm?

**1stMate** : melanie i will shoot u with this nerf gun

**Poggered** : JON IS TECHNICALLY HET

**Poggers** : that’s false information 

**OGArson** : I mean he is dating me. 

**Basira** : along with dating gerry 

**1stMate** : i’m not het melanie stop bullying me

**Poggers** : he’s not het babe

**Poggered** : THAT WHAT HE WANTS YOU TO THINK

_ 1stMate added FuckBooks into the chat! _

**FuckBooks** : hang on a sec

**SpaceFucks( &arsons)** \- _15:30_

**arson3** : jonny = het 

**arson1** : no, gerry i already cast my vote he’s not a het

**arson2** : He’s dating me!!

**engin(qu)eer** : jonny is not het i will shoot

**gpt:** HA

**gpt:** JONNY HET?

**gpt:** HAHAHSHEFJVKDIENSNXIDIWNSM

**onlylikeableone:** I think Tim is trying to say hell no

**onlylikeableone:** and I agree 100%

**scIENCE:** jonny is not a het but for scientific purposes i vote yes 

**Ivers:** Why. 

**arson3:** ?

**Ivers:** I wanna have more information 

**arson3:** just answer the question 

**Ivers:** Why. 

**arson1:** she won’t stop don’t bother 

**engin(qu)eer:** consider her 

**engin(qu)eer:** ha

**engin(qu)eer:** switzerland 

**nomarius:** he’s a het but he’s a het who would fuck a dude

**onlylikeableone:** wtf mar

**nomarius:** idk just seemed right

**CircusFuck:** Jonny Is No Heterosexual!!!!!!!He Has Tried To Kiss To Many Guys When He’s Drunk To Be Hetero!!!

**arson3:** thxs bros

**engin(qu)eer:** so we’re just gonna ignore TS saying they’ve seen jonny drunk kiss guys?

**engin(qu)eer:** is that what we’re gonna do?

**girlie-oes** \- _15:38_

**FuckBooks:** jury says jon is not a het

**1stMate:** who is the jury?

**Basira:** don’t worry bout it 

**1stMate:** that makes me worry even more 

**Poggered** : damn

**Poggered** : jon ur really good at convincing people ur not het

**1stMate** : BC IM NOT

**Poggers** : imma go ask the other council 

**fight fucking godTM** \- _15:43_

**Poggers** : is jon het? y or n

**Mike** : No who tf thinks Jon is het???

**Jonny** : melanie

**Jonny** : save me mike

**Jonny** : or other mike

**Mįčhæł** : łmä õöøn ôpė

**Mįčhæł** : ålšo mÿan s w ęris ñó

**Jonny** : i despise when you type like that

**Mįčhæł** : sūç kįtb i t čh

**…:** jon is not het we’ve kissed

**Jonny** : OLIVER BANKS

**Daisy** : JONATHAN SIMS U MONSTER KISSER

**Jonny** : ALICE TONNER I WILL SHOOT YOU

**Daisy** : TRY ME WANKER

**NiCola** : Jonny Is Not A Hat!!! 

**NiCola** : Shit

**NiCola** : *Hat

**NiCola** : Goddamnit!!!!!!!

**Basira** : gee jon your not a hat congrats 

**Jonny** : your expectations for me are awfully low, basira, but thank you for the compliment 

**Mike** : I genuinely cannot figure out what your relationship with Basira is

**Jonny** : have u read that one webcomic???

**…** : ur gonna need to be waaaaaay more specific jon

**Daisy** : oh you mean the one where those kids play a game and end the world?

**Jonny** : YES THAT

**Jonny** : think of it like that one spade relationship 

**Jonny** : but platonic, more healthy, and with 0 sex

**Mike** : Jesus 

**Mike** : Jon are you talking about Homestuck??????

**Jonny** : THATS THE FUCKER

**Basira** : im not sure if i should be proud of you or pity you for memorizing marius, ivy, and raph’s info dump about that shit

**Jonny** : oh no me and georgie did a school project on it

**Jonny** : ask nastya and brian they had to witness us read the whole thing and write confusing ass essays to confuse the professor 

**…:** ok who else is terrified here

**Mįčhæł** : i’m enjoying this way to much

**Jonny** : THANK FUCK YOUR TYPING NORMAL AGAIN

**Poggers** : i still don’t know how you managed to read the trolls typing quirks so well

**Jonny** : it was very simple

**Poggers** : I HAD TO SEARCH UP WHAT THEY WERE SAYING SOMETIMES

**Annabelle** : i really feel bad for your professors 

**Poggers** : yea so do i

**Poggers** : jonny wrote out all of our essays in every typing quirk that exists in that universe canonically

**Mįčhæł** : hòłÿ shįt i s thæt whÿ ï gôt áłł thošė wêîrdvîbēš frôm thæt prõfęśśòr å f e wyeārś bãčk¿

**…:** yknow what

**…:** i’m going to go pass out from fear and exhaustion 

**…:** night folks 

**Mike** : Night Olly

**Daisy** : sleep

**Basira** : sleep

**Jonny** : sleep

**NiCola** : Sleep

**Mįčhæł** : śłêēp

**Poggers** : well that was fucking creepy

**Poggers** : night oliver!!

**Poggers** : we got so off track bros 

**Poggers** : i’m just gonna tell them no

**girlie-oes** \- _16:00_

**Poggers** : jonny is not het melanie 

**Poggers** : council says no

**Poggered** : I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL

**FuckBooks** : yes, yes you will

**OGArson** : Waaaaaait-

**OGArson** : I have an idea. 

**OGArson** : = D

**FuckBooks** : oh dear god

**[eye emojis]** \- _16:02_

**OGArson** : Is Jon heterosexual? 

**Timnothy** : yes

**Martean** : yes

**Sasha** : probably 

**Sims** : i hate you agnes 

**FuckBooks** : AGNES YOU LOST ADMIT IT JON IS NOT A HET LITERALLY EVERYONE ELSE SAID NO

**Martean** : wait

**Martean** : jon your not straight???

**Sims** : no i’m not

**Sims** : Yes I am

**Sims** : goddamnit agnes don’t steal my phone

**Sims** : BOTH OF U STOP STEALING MY PHONE AND LET ME ANSER THE GODDAMN QUESTION 

**Sims** : ahem

**Sims** : i’m bi. sorry gerry and aggy wanted to play “steal the Archivist’s phone”

**FuckBooks** : ...sorry

**OGArson** : Not sorry

**Timnothy** : so your bi??? ; )

**Sims** : and ace don’t get cocky stoker

**Timnothy** : how sad u think so lowly of me : ((((((

**Sasha** : well i think that’s fantastic jon! thank you for feeling comfortable enough telling us!

**Sims** : ah uh

**Sims** : your welcome?

**OGArson** : Dear lord just kiss already

_ FuckBooks deleted a message! _

**ASSistants** \- _16:10_

**the cute one** : GUYS JON’S NOT STRAIGHT

**the hot one** : WHOS GONNA BREAK OUT THE FIREWORKS

**the smart one** : haha you two are hilarious 

**the smart one** : still i seriously am proud of jon for feeling comfortable enough to tell us!

**the hot one:** this means we might have a chance with him sasha!

**the hot one:** fuck i thought this was dms

**the cute one:** you guys like jon?

**the cute one** : i though you were dating?

**the smart one:** sigh

**the smart one** : we are dating, we just also like both you and jon and want to date the two of you also

**the hot one:** SASHA

**the smart one:** what???? you already basically spilled the beans!!!

**the cute one:** oh uh

**the cute one:** i’m flattered ah

**the hot one:** but you don’t feel the same way yeah yeah we get it

**the cute one:** no!!

**the cute one** : actually i feel the same way you do,,,

**the smart one:** you want to date the three of us? is that what your saying martin?

**the cute one:** ughhhhh yep yep that’s exactly what i’m saying mmhmm yes

**the smart one:** martin? you alright?

**the cute one:** just fine and dandy

**the hot one:** dearlordyouaresoadorable 

**the hot one:** thebothofyou

**the hot one:** hellallthreeofyou

**the smart one:** < 3333333

**the cute one:** uhh < 3 ig

**sburg** \- _18:39_

**karkat** : YOU CAN THANK MIKE FOR THE REEMERGENCE OF THIS GC

**latula** : fuck not th1s 4g41n

**john** : HOLY SHIT I FORGOT THIS EXISTED

**rose** : How dull of you, Marius. 

**jade** : lollllllll i did too tbh :p

**latula** : 1’m cry1ng why d1d you do th1s 4g41n 1’m cry1ng my phon3 st1ll won’t l3t m3 typ3 norm4lly 1n th1s ch4t

**karkat** : YOU’RE TALKING TO ME LIKE I CAN FIX THAT HAVE YOU MET ME?

**latula** : stfu 3v3n m3l4n13 do3sn’t know how to f1x 1t jonny h3lllllllp

**rose** : Have you thought of maybe, I don’t know, taking it to Nastya?

**latula** : godd4mn1t you’r3 r1ght

**john** : she always is!

**jade** : is that flattery i hear mar???

**john** : yes yes it is. 

**rose** : How sweet. 

**latula** : 1’m cry1ng n4sty4 won’t h3lp m3

**karkat** : LMAO

**latula** : jonny wh4t th3 h3ll d1d you do to my phon3

**karkat** : MAYBE IT JUST DECIDED TO SIDE WITH ME FOR ONCE 

**latula** : don’t t3ll m3 you’r3 st1ll stuck on th3 whol3 shock1ng cook13s 1nc1d3nt 

**jade** : the what now???

**karkat** : DOESNT MATTER AND YES IM STILL STUCK ON THAT SOMEONES PHONE SHOULD NOT BURN RAW COOKIE DOUGH THAT I AM ABOUT TO EAT THATS NOT HOW THAT WORKS

**john** : HAHAHEHEJEJDKXKSMSNWMDKG

**rose** : Jonny- 

**rose** : Please go to the doctor, I think you are hallucinating. 

**latula** : look 1dk how 1t h4pp3n3d 31th3r but pl34s3 f1x my d4mn phon3 1’m b3gg1ng you 1 h4t3 th1s so much

**karkat** : NEVER

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck not th1s 4g41n  
> (fuck not this again)
> 
> 1’m cry1ng why d1d you do th1s 4g41n 1’m cry1ng my phon3 st1ll won’t l3t m3 typ3 norm4lly 1n th1s ch4t  
> (i'm crying why did you do this again im crying my phone still wont let me type normally in this chat)
> 
> stfu 3v3n m3l4n13 do3sn’t know how to f1x 1t jonny h3lllllllp  
> (stfu even melanie doesn't know how to fix it jonny helllllp)
> 
> godd4mn1t you’r3 r1ght  
> (goddamnit you're right)
> 
> 1’m cry1ng n4sty4 won’t h3lp m3  
> (i'm crying nastya won't help me)
> 
> jonny wh4t th3 h3ll d1d you do to my phon3  
> (jonny what the hell did you do to my phone)
> 
> don’t t3ll m3 you’r3 st1ll stuck on th3 whol3 shock1ng cook13s 1nc1d3nt  
> (don't tell me you're still stuck on the whole shocking cookies incident)
> 
> look 1dk how 1t h4pp3n3d 31th3r but pl34s3 f1x my d4mn phon3 1’m b3gg1ng you 1 h4t3 th1s so much  
> (look idk how it happened either but please fix my damn phone i'm begging you i hate this so much)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> maki is a cryptid, wrong tims and michael is a menace as wells as annabelle’s dog

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for taking so long writers block is a bitch hope you enjoy! (also maki is dr. carmilla’s real name i thought it would be a fun treat to have one (1) irl name in the fic lmao

**[eye emojis]** \- _22:31_

**Sasha** : Jon. We need to talk. 

**Sims** : what for?

**Martean** : does it involve why you were late this morning?

**Timnothy** : and why u didn’t bring coffee

**Sasha** : Please shut up Tim and yes Martin it does involve that. Jon, your office, now. 

**Sims** : alright 

**glitch** \- _23:43_

**Jonny** : what the fuck did you do

**Jonny** : mike and i cant leave you alone for one morning

**Jonny** : without either of your impulse controls you sputter down and decide to traumatize my assistant

**glitch** : what are you going on about now

**glitch** : ah

**glitch** : yes

**glitch** : that. 

**Jonny** : WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN WHY DID YOU MEET SASHA

**glitch** : i want to be friends with her

**Jonny** : you don’t scare people into being friends michael that’s not how it works

**glitch** : it’s how it worked with you

**Jonny** : i

**Jonny** : ok FIRST OF ALL nikola scared me into becoming friends with her not you  


**Jonny** : and second I KNEW ABOUT THE SHIT MY ASSISTANTS DONT

**glitch** : Why don’t your assistants know, Jonathan. 

**Jonny** : shit not what i meant

**Jonny** : i’m not shoving them into it out of nowhere and i’m actively keeping them away from it so can we please not have this conversation rn

**glitch** : fine but you’re paying for coffee when i meet all your assistants 

**Jonny** : what

**Jonny** : what are you talking about

**glitch** : ≈ ~ D

**Jonny** : MICHAEL

**the Aurora** \- _23:51_

**Jonny** : i will actually commit murder and not with this stupid nerf gun if one of you comes in tonight or tomorrow to shoot me 

**ToySoldier** : What’s Got Your Knickers In A Twist?!!!

**Marius** : what the hell jonny i can’t fix that

**Nastya** : you can’t fix anything your not a doctor 

**Raphaella** : hush nastya i would like to see him try 

**Ivy** : He’d fail. 

**Raphaella** : shhhhhhhhh

**Tim** : why do you want to kill us more than normal

**Jonny** : stupid michael visited one of my assistants and freaked her out

**Ashes** : crazy michael?

**Jonny** : both of them are crazy try again

**Ashes** : the one that it hurts to look at

**Jonny** : that applies to both try again

**Ashes** : short michael?

**Jonny** : the sometimes short michael

**Ashes** : that applies to both of them go die

**Marius** : blonde michael?

**Jonny** : yes

**Ashes** : goddamnit jonny now i want to commit murder as well

**Ivy** : Don’t commit murder. Either of you. 

**Raphaella** : no wait i want to see Jonny try and get away with it and fail

**Jonny** : and basira wouldn’t????

**Tim** : basira has probably already committed murder 

**Ashes** : wouldn’t you like to know

**Jonny** : daisy has at least killed one person

**Nastya** : damn ashes 

**Marius** : get it 

**Ashes** : ;)

**Nastya** : jonny

**Jonny** : nastya

**Nastya** : do you want to skip the morning tomorrow and come help me with something rn

**Jonny** : depends. what am i helping you with

**Nastya** : your going to help me work on contacting maki and getting together

**Jonny** : your place or your garage?

**Nastya** : garage

**Jonny** : be there in twenty 

**ToySoldier** : The Twins Are Leaving Us!!!!!!!

**Tim** : they grow up so fast

**Timothy** \- _2:34_

**Sims** : bring us some damn drinks when  you and the others get here this is going to take a while

**Timothy** : ??????????

**Timothy** : wth?????

**Sims** : ah hell

**Sims** : wrong tim

**Sims** : never mind 

**Timothee** \- _2:36_

**Jonny** : bring us some damn drinks when you and the others get here this is going to take a while

**Timothee** : got it 

**Timothee** : nik insisted we stop by a weird alleyway to get something so we’re gonna be a bit later than ivy predicted

**Jonny** : that’s fine just please. drinks. 

**Timothy** \- _2:37_

**Timothy** : no now i wanna know

**Sims** : no you don’t

**Timothy** : yes i do

**Sims** : no you don’t 

**Timothy** : what is so embarrassing 

**Sims** : i told you that it doesn’t matter

**Timothy** : it obviously matters since you need alcohol to deal with it

**Sims** : fine

**Sims** : me and my friends are trying to get in touch with a uni friend but she is impossible to track down

**Timothy** : that’s it??? seriously???

**Sims** : yes?

**Timothy** : why do you need alcohol then? seems simple enough

**Sims** : you have not met my friends tim nothing is simple with them. especially maki

**Timothy** : now i am even more intrigued 

**Sims** : forget about it

**Timothy** : : - (

**aggy** \- _3:28_

**gerry** : hey aggy do you know where the lighter is?

**aggy** : You’re seriously asking me that. 

**gerry** : yes bc i don’t want you to have to get up and jon hid it again so we wouldn’t burn his sheet music

**aggy** : We?

**gerry** : fine. just me. 

**aggy** : Why do you need the lighter anyway?

**gerry** : there’s some spiderwebs and i got annabelle’s permission to burn them so jon doesn’t freak when he gets back from being cryptic 

**aggy** : Jon’s always cryptic. 

**gerry** : yeah but he’s being especially cryptic

**aggy** : Yikes. I’m glad he’s not home then. 

**gerry** : yea maki’s even worse though 

**aggy** : Why must we bring up the she-devil?

**gerry** : bc the mechs are spending all of tonight to look for her

**aggy** : Ew. 

**gerry** : ikr

**gerry** : but anyway

**gerry** : do you know where the lighter is?

**aggy** : Top shelf, feel to the left.

**gerry** : thxs babe

**ASSistants** \- _5:51_

**the cute one** : any idea why jon looks more dead than normal?

**the smart one** : he didn’t sleep

**the hot one** : i actually know for once

**the smart one** : oh all knowing one why does jon look worse than normal 

**the cute one** : please don’t call him that it sounds weird

**the hot one** : he texted me at like 3 am on accident asking for me to bring over alcohol. apparently he was trying to find an old university friend with some of his other friends

**the smart one** : i still can’t wrap my head around jon having friends

**the cute one** : if alcohol was involved jon was absolutely up past 4 am

**the hot one** : and you know bc??

**the cute one** : he’s drunk texted me before

**the smart one** : !!!!!

**the hot one** : !!!!!!!!!!!

**the smart one** : martin you’ve been holding out on us!!!!!!

**the hot one** : why didn’t you say something about this before?????

**the cute one** : it was in our first week of working here!!!! i didn’t know i could say anything!!!!!

**the hot one** : alright that’s fair 

**the smart one** : alright,,,

**the cute one** : but how does it take that long to find a friend from uni????

**girlie-oes** \- _6:36_

**Poggers** : any luck finding maki??

**1stMate** : arggghhh

**Basira** : no

**Poggered** : tf is a maki

**Daisy** : uni friend

**Poggered** : shit jon how many uni friends have you kept in contact with???

**1stMate** : i’ve LOST contact with maki

**1stMate** : why do you think we were up all night trying to find her?

**FuckBooks** : ask michael if he ate her

**Poggered** : wtf??????

**Poggered** : ate?????

**OGArson** : He’s our friend Annabelle’s DOG

**OGArson** : Right, Gerard?

**FuckBooks** : of course babe

**1stMate** : how are you not dead on your feet basira?

**Basira** : unlike some people i didn’t get wasted and left early with ivy and raph

**Daisy** : ohhh that’s why you smelled like alcohol when you got home

**1stMate** : rude

**1stMate** : nastya didnt get wasted either and didn’t leave us

**Basira** : it was her garage she couldn’t leave 

**Poggered** : i am so confused i’m going to sleep again

**Daisy** : speaking of sleep, why were you awake georgie?

**Poggers** : oh i stayed up all night editing my podcast!

**1stMate** : procrastinating are we

**Poggers** : stfu ur the one who started up the homestuck groupchat on a whim

**Poggered** : JON WAS A HOMESTUCK

**Poggered** : HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS

**1stMate** : thought you were sleeping

**Poggered** : HOW CAN I SLEEP WHEN I HEAR THAT

**FuckBooks** : easily it’s called being dead

**OGArson** : Love, we aren’t dead anymore

**FuckBooks** : whoops

**Basira** : i worry for you two 

**fight fucking godTM** \- _6:42_

**Jonny** : congrats michael you are now annabelle’s dog

**Mįčhæł** : why

**Annabelle** : I didn’t agree to this

**Jonny** : gerry said something about u eating someone in front of a not knowing friend so agnes improvised

**Annabelle** : I don’t care I don’t want Michael as a dog

**Mįčhæł** : ≈ ~ (

**Mike** : don’t worry Michael you’ll always be my bitch

**Mįčhæł** : ≈ ~ D

**Daisy** : quickly ignoring that. who’s down for me making a lunch run and getting food and shit?

**the Aurora** \- _18:27_

**Brian** : Who’s down for trying to find Maki again tonight?

**Jonny** : fuck no

**Tim** : nO

**Marius** : No

**Nastya** : absolutely not

**ToySoldier** : That Sounds Good Ole Chap!!!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> short chapter but i have a written piece!!! sorry that it's a bit heavy, but vents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i know episode 28 (melanie's first statement) takes place like a year before she gives her statement, but that wouldn't make sense in my current timeline (a lot of things aren't going to make sense in my current timeline but we'll get to that later) and we are just going to wing it ALSO JUST TO CLARIFY; melanie does NOT know about the entities!!!!! basira doesn't really either!!!!! they just think jonny, daisy and georgie are making it up or over exaggerating!!! they do not know or believe in the entities!!!!

**ghostly g** \- _18:04_

**malicious m** : georgie

**malicious m:** georgie who the fuck did you recommend 

**malicious m:** GOD DAMNIT OF ALL THE TIMES FOR U TO BE SLEEPING

**malicious m:** sarah baldwin is fuckijg weirdshe creeps me out

**malicious m:** GEORGIE DID YOU SET US UP WITH A SERIAL KILLER OR SOMETHING???

**malicious m** : she even SMELLS weird

**malicious m** : or at least she WOULD IF SHE WOULD STOP SMOKING

**malicious m** : istg georgie if you recommended me a serial killer i will haunt your ass

**malicious m** : georgie

**malicious m** : georgie

**malicious m** : georgie

**malicious m** : finally we’re here

**malicious m** : if you don’t respond by morning i’m going to assume sarah got to you first 

**ghostly g** \- _4:02_

**malicious m** : georgie sarah’s not normal 

**malicious m** : she

**malicious m** : she

**malicious m** : shit georgie

**malicious m** : georgie something THREW HER against a WALL

**malicious m** : she BROKE HER ARM

**malicious m** : PEELED HER SKIN BACK

**malicious m** : FIXED IT

**malicious m** : and then STAPLED IT BACK TOGETHER 

**malicious m** : georgie i’m scared i don’t know what i just saw and i don’t want to ask

**malicious m** : i even got it on film

**malicious m** : _[a long corrupted video filmed in night vision that shakes ever slightly like the person filming is trembling]_

**malicious m** : damn it’s corrupt

**malicious m** : georgie you have to believe me i’m not going crazy i know what i saw

**malicious m** : fuck was i right?? earlier?? did sarah already get to you???

**ghostly g** : no no sorry i was back reading

**malicious m** : THANK GOD YOU SCARED ME

**ghostly g** : i believe you

**malicious m** : so what should i do?????? just ignore it?????

**ghostly g** : i think you should go talk to jon

**malicious m** : how the hell would he be able to help??? we all know the institute is just a place for batshit and drunk people to go give fake horror stories

**ghostly g** : please go talk to jon 

**malicious m** : you act like he wouldn’t just laugh me out of the building you know how skeptic he is 

**ghostly g** : please i’m not joking i am literally begging you. go talk to jon

**malicious m** : fine

**malicious m** : only for you

**Poggers** \- _5:13_

**Poggers** : _[multiple screenshots of the previous conversation but melanie’s text is corrupt when she refers to sarah baldwin and when briefly describing her encounter. also the corrupt video is linked]_

**Poggers** : i don’t know if she’s actually going to do it you know how melanie is but here’s a heads up

**Jonny** : fuck

**Jonny** : i recognize the name sarah baldwin

**Poggers** : from my credits?

**Jonny:** no somewhere else

**Jonny** : fuck

**Jonny** : delete her from your contacts georgie

**Poggers** : ????

**Jonny** : Nikki says that Baldwin was taken

**Jonny** : whoever was there with melanie that night wasn’t sarah baldwin 

**Poggers** : you mean to say i sent a skin walker to an abandoned hospital with my best friend and her crew who weren’t even supposed to be there???

**Jonny** : i wouldn’t put it like that but yes

**Poggers** : you have no idea how much that would scare me

**Jonny** : you know i do

**Poggers** : yea i guess you do

**Poggers** : do you think we should tell her? about the entities?

**Jonny** : i think we should wait a little bit longer you know how melanie is

**Poggers** : yeah your right

**Poggers** : come over?

**Jonny** : be there in 5

**Poggers** : thanks jon

**[eye emojis]** \- _7:29_

**Sims** : i will be late today

**Timnothy** : yea we guessed 

**Sasha** : your definition of late is being on time 

**Martean** : is everything ok??

**Sims** : something happened so i am with a close friend and she fell asleep on me

**Timnothy** : [smirk emoji]

**Sims** : not like that christ tim

**Martean** : tim!!!!

**Timnothy** : whatever you say boss

**Sims** : anyway i should be in around noon

**Sasha** : i’ll keep them in line jon!

**Sims** : thank you sasha see you all soon

**fight fucking godTM** \- _9:48_

**Mike** : Hey guys i’m kinda having a rough day could some of you come over?

**…** : already on the way

**Annabelle** : Me as well. 

**Mįčhæł** : i’m outside your door

**Jonny** : i

**Jonny** : well now i feel bad when i say i’m getting in my car

**Jonny** : i’ll be there in 10

**Mike** : Wow i didn’t expect anyone to really take me serious 

**Mike** : thank you guys

**[eye emojis]** \- _9:50_

**Sims** : so i’m not going to be coming in around noon

Mike shifted his favourite scarf so it covered most of his scar on his neck and sighed as he felt his tea lose all of its remaining warmth. Normally he liked cool tea, but today was different. Today was the anniversary of when he got struck. Mike shivered. Even twenty-eight years later it still was a raw wound to think about it. 

Mike walked over to the sink and dumped his cool tea out, watching it swirl down the drain in a bitter spiral. It was such a waste. 

There was a knock at his door, (or was it Michael’s door?) and he knocked on his counter in response. He heard the door creak open, the three sets of footsteps entering his flat and the thud of the door closing. Mike closed his eyes as he felt long arms wrap around his torso. 

Michael, in all of his wrongness, embraced his partner and Mike finally felt something in him splinter. He started to cry. 

At some point Annabelle and Oliver must have rushed over to hug him as well, as the four of them found their way down on the floor beside his kitchen sink. Mike couldn’t tell if his distorted sense of reality was because of his tears or because of his boyfriend. It might have been hours that they lay of that floor, it might have been minutes. The spell seemed to break when the door opened once again. 

Jon stepped in, holding a tub of sugar cookies with quite a few bags of ginormous marshmallows on top. Mike felt a little lighter, both figuratively and literally as Annabelle let go and scuttled over to help Jon through the door. Mike thought the noise that came out of his mouth was a laugh, at least it was supposed to be a laugh. Both Jon and Annabelle were short, and they were both struggling to carry the humongous tub of biscuits and the bags of large marshmallows. He wondered how Jon managed to make it over alone. 

Michael tightened his grip on Mike as Jon handed him a sugar cookie with a tentative smile. The cookie was warm. It was...nice. 

Oliver obviously had a cookie as well as Mike felt crumbs fall into his tussled hair. He turned his head to stare at his friend and quickly began chuckling when he saw Oliver’s cookie covered face. 

Annabelle somehow squeezed herself back into the hug and shoved a marshmallow into Michael’s mouth. Jon snorted at the sight and turned to the counter to fix what Mike could only guess is his disgusting Monster-tea concoction. 

Mike smiled at the familiar scene in front of him. There was a reason he always kept orange Monster in stock for Jon. It invited Jon to keep bringing Georgie’s cookies over. 

There was a drink shoved in his hands by Annabelle. It was hot, comfortingly so, and had a huge marshmallow floating in the middle. Mike snorted. He raised an eyebrow at Annabelle, but she just smirked and sipped her own drink. She had apparently made hot chocolate for the two of them while Jon was busy making his special drink for himself, Michael, and Oliver. 

“Ha!” Jon barked as he took a swig of his terrible drink. He passed it on to Oliver, who made a face as he drank, and the passed it to Michael. Who promptly spilled it to the Jon’s disappointment. 

Mike’s friends laughed at Jon’s groans. Even he smiled with the hot chocolate, marshmallows and sugar cookie warmth still making him feel like he was floating. As Mike settled into the domestic scene that was his friends, he realized something. 

Everything was going to be alright. 


	8. NOT AN UPDATE SORRY

not an update, sorry! i blame this fic for getting me back into homestuck though so now i’m in a bit of a writers block DX. i created both a homestuck server AND a server for this story on discord so if anyone wants join me in the pit that is homestuck or bully me into writing more of this wonderful story or give me any ideas bc i am in need of those the links are below!

homestuck server: https://discord.gg/6FGnbDbEYT

story server: https://discord.gg/wMTecaNu4s

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading guys! don’t forget to give kudos and drop any ideas or ships or things you want to happen in this fic! i’m open to suggestions and i will give credit!


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